Some FAQs and RAQs (Randomly Asked Questions)

What’s the very first thing you do in the morning?

I open my eyes to a cartoon I’ve drawn on my bedroom wall, fashioned around a bit of chipped paint that looks like a mouse without a head. The caption reads, ‘have you lost your mind?’.

I aways like to start the day on a good, positive footing.

Where do your ideas come from?

Everywhere. Nowhere. And all the places in between.

How do you get your ideas?

By staying in the bath so long that I turn into a prune.

By relishing long car drives on my own, music up.

By sitting under apple trees in Spring, right through to Autumn - when the apples drop at my feet.

By never having had a concept of boredom as a child and never really being bored as an adult either.

How would you describe your business?

At 8 yrs old, I daydreamed about flying. I had an unwavering belief that one day, it would happen - that I would Actually Fly. Like a Real Bird.

At 43yrs old, I still have that unwavering belief. And I’m still here, on the wing - winging it.

Max number of trousers you’ve worn at one time?

3 pairs.

I don’t often suck my hair when I come out the sea, but yes - I do wee in the sea. Any adult who says they don’t wee in the sea is probably lying.

Any odd rituals?

None.

None at all.

Not even a whiff of completely weird weirdness around ‘ere.

If you had to choose yellow or blue for the rest of your life, which colour would you choose?

Green.

Fave cake?

Not a massive cake-eater. I’d rather a well-conceived flapjack with more nuts & nuance than just LOADS OF DRIED FRUIT. Or a biscuit that snaps. Or a bowl of crumble and custard. (I eat a LOT of custard).

But if I had to choose a cake: a brownie cooked with full respect for the Accurate Texture of a Brownie is a very good thing.

Or something with contrasting textures and flavours like a cheesecake with a thick biscuity base, deep sumptuous cream layer and a zingy top layer.

Contrast is key to many things, I find. Not just cake.

Allergies?

Anaesthetic.

Jacob Rees-Mogg’s politics.

The tone of voice that male Radio 2 presenters speak in.

Loathe?

Voice recognition technology.

Self-Service checkouts.

Car park sharks.

And I will never, ever own a freestanding wardrobe.

Love?

Abundant.

…dandelions…flowers in general…colour…light…tides…sharp humour…spirited souls…weird music….deep bass…swimming in the sea…being daft…etc…etc…etc

Favourite animal?

Blue Whale - longstanding fixation. Also giraffes. That said, I have a burgeoning respect for flies running at the moment. The world would be full of dead things and piles of poo without them. And there’d be much less food to eat too. They are very, very annoying though - like most things we love and couldn’t live without, I guess.

Vices?

Profligate.

Best feature?

Eyes - big.

Worst feature?

Eyes - big. Knees - weird. Legs - different lengths. Mouth - wonky if I open it too wide. There’s a moral therein.

Most treasured possession?

Health and brain space.

Who would you like to see in government?

Ants.

Or dolphins.

Or elephants.

Failing that: an alliance of socio-economically diverse humans drawn from many walks of life.

Is it genuinely true you’ve never eaten a McDonalds or seen Star Wars?

Yep. Am I missing anything noteworthy? Is my life lacking as a result?

Which is better: kale or spinach?

Hardest question so far. But if I HAD to choose, I’d go for kale. More resonance. Spinach wilts in water, whereas like kale, I too enliven and turn a brighter shade of green when I’m plunged into water.

Is everyone really a fruit and nut case?

I think so, yes. In fact, I’m sure of it. Besides, that’s where all the superpowers are to be found.

Would you go to the moon?

No. Despite her monthly prima donna-esque episodes and flounces (I mean seriously, I’m sure there is a rare and never seen before, eclipse/supermoon every month these days!), I have huge respect for the moon and think we should leave her well alone.

Those tides don’t stop for anybody.

(Unless we insist on going to the moon to mine her minerals and then they will probably stop for everybody)

If not the moon, where would you most like to go?

The Tesco and M&S multi-storey travelator.

What size are your feet?

A contrary mid-point between 7 (40) and 8 (41).

Are you going to send me some shoes? I do love shoes.
(Stillettos aren’t shoes).

Do you like chillies?

Yep. Far preferable to chilly.

Have you ever had a favourite chicken?

Not a favourite chicken, but a favourite chicken book discovered whilst at university called Extraordinary Chickens (I spent my time in the library, wisely). I highly recommend you seek it out.

I do have a favourite cockerel though. He’s called Kevin and is a recently made friend of mine. He stands at my studio door, quietly guarding the entrance - and is now my most trusted confidant. Excellent listener. Quiet, curious, gentle observer. Rarely judges.

Do you take commissions?

Yep indeedy! Bring ‘em on!

I didn’t used to though. In fact I used to actively duck and hide from them.

But now I LOVE them.

What changed your perspective on them?

I ran out of cushions to hide behind. I also realised I was being a prize berk and that rebellion and contrariness need to be channelled properly.

Can you summarise in a haiku why you feel ‘ugh!’ about the word “brand”?

I do not like brand I much prefer the word band More music, less bland

If you could only eat one biscuit for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Never ever eat one biscuit at a time. Always eat two.